[WARNING: A large portion of this post was written after having a 5-mugs-of-coffee day. And… Yes, I included an emoji on the title… Coz I felt like it. And. Caffeine.]
2018 has been quite the year. 52 weeks filled with a million ups and downs. A true whirlwind ringing in my Saturn’s Return.
As maddening as this year has been, as with each year, it’s been a teacher. It’s been a reminder of how uphill climbs are a part of living (and boy, do I need to work out some more).
2018 has also been a friend. It’s allowed me to pause and reconnect with myself – my true self. In the past 12 months, I’ve seen parts of me I didn’t even realize still existed.
I’ve created art. Not as much as I’d like, but still. 2018 has given me four songs (two of which remain… Unfinished… But we’ll get there), so it’s not been a total deserted barren waste land. This blog is about to reach its first year anniversary and has served as a home for my writings. I went back to coloring. I don’t quite know how to describe how it feels but between the patterns and the colors and the shades, I found 8-year-old me again.
I’ve consumed so much art. According to my Spotify 2018 Wrapped, I’ve listened to over 135,000 minutes worth of music and podcasts on their app (I know. It’s wild. But it’s not a hard number to get to when you’re like me and you’re constantly listening to something for your own sanity even when you’re sleeping). 2018 has given my soul so much new music to consume as well as keep my staples on heavy rotation (I jest. I obsess. 135k minutes, bro).
In the 52 weeks of 2018, I’ve finished reading 38 books (I actually kept a list this year!), including a few short stories and audiobooks. Not to mention a pile of unfinished ones (sorry… I just can’t… The stuggle is real). I’ve binge watched TV shows and movies that I’m going to cherish forever and will revisit like mad. I’ve discovered an intense love for stand up comedy and have finally reached an age where I can appreciate the brilliance of screenwriting. (I don’t know why I put those last two together in the same sentence but leave me be, it makes sense in my head. Somehow.)
This 2018 has essentially been about digging a deeper hole into understanding who I am and what my place is in this world (… Being older does that. Even when you don’t feel you’re older… Your creaking bones will remind you that you are older). Along with this ‘maturity’ (insert suppressed giggles), are a few things I’ve learned:
- There will be people in your life that you will need to take a break from and that’s totally okay.
- There will be people in your life who will need to take a break from you and that too is totally okay.
- Being not okay is completely okay. As long as you remember to breathe through the madness. Remember how far you’ve come and how much you’ve overcome and whatever madness might be taking place is another thing that you will overcome.
- Escapism, once done for the right reasons, can and will heal.
- Art heals – this I’ve known for many years but it helps keeping it as a reminder coz sometimes this mad world makes us forget the important things.
As we prepare to ring in 2019, and as I get closer to entering the 3rd dimension – I mean – decade of my orbit around the sun, I wish to reflect on these:
Firstly, a few not-so-serious things (again, I’m overly caffeinated at the moment):
- Are 6-year-old Kerly and adult Kerly and all Kerlys in between ready for the new Backstreet Boys album, DNA, before the release at the end of January?
- Will I be able to sleep for the whole month of February knowing Kodaline will be in Manila yet again but not in CEBU (yet again)?
- Will Paolo Nutini be releasing new music within 2019?
- Will I ever be emotionally prepared for new Sara Bareilles music?
- Will there be a Cebu staging of Hamilton (so I can be ambitious and audition for the Peggy/Mariah role. Key word: Ambitious)?
- Will Saint Sister, The Staves and Lorde ever collaborate and merge all of their superpowers onto something and just bring me to their magical faerie land of music?
- Will Netflix Philippines finally get all the Harry Potter and already released Fantastic Beasts movies and fully support my never ending love for the the franchise?
Secondly, and on a much, much more serious note, to ponder over these:
- Who do you think you’d be had our ancestors simply traded and not been conquered and colonized by other civilizations?
- How do we, as humans, account for the fact that we can never seem to learn from what history has taught us?
- Who/What would you believe in if you were never told what to believe in?
Nobody knows what this new year will hold for all of us, but I do wish for the following things this 2019:
- More art – all mediums of it. The creation and consumption of it.
- For humanity to return to the humane.
I end my 2018 with this 30th published blog entry and enter 2019 with visions put into motion.
Happy new year to you and yours! May you ring in the fireworks with an abundance of great food, wine, conversations and company.