When I created this blog, I had every intention of publishing content at least once a week. Now, only a month into this project, I found myself with plenty of ideas – unfinished entries, incomplete ideas. But they’re just that: unfinished and incomplete. All stuck at ‘Save as Draft’.
I suppose it has to do with the fact that I haven’t allowed myself the freedom to write to declutter the madness that goes deep within that when this project happened, the floodgates opened up and now I’m trying to figure out just how to make sense of all the madness scattered all over.
See, writing, to me, has always been a way to make sense of the world outside me and the world in my head. It’s one of the ways I’ve learned to process things and to deal with life and all its versions of madness.
When I was much younger, I could keep a journal and write an entry at least once a day. As an introvert, not knowing how to share my thoughts to other souls meant my writings were my bestfriends. Writing was where I could unload the most random and obscure things that ran through my young mind. This was how I got to know myself.
Writing was the thing that got me through all the ever dramatic teenage angst. It was the thing that made me realize and understand the world in my own way. I learned the power of words. How it can help you process traumatic things and eventually heal. How it can help you tame your demons. How it can keep you sane.
As growing up slowly took over, the writing started to become less a thing. What no one ever tells you is that growing up can eat up all your energy and you find yourself going through weeks and months and years without writing down a thing. Everything started to become a blur and insignificant. No matter what I do and no matter how much I wanted to keep a journal, I couldn’t. I’ve tried different variations of it: less a journal, more a notebook of just random thoughts written down when possible. Nothing much happened.
I could no longer declutter. Hence, the madness just kept building up inside.
I suppose this is why many adults start to lose their minds little by little and it’s all beyond our control. We are, unfortunately, in a world that keeps telling us to run fast then faster, then even faster til you outrun everyone else and you become the fastest. Afterwards, you take pride on being the fastest but that’s all you’re left with because along the way you’ve lost sight of the things that keep you human and sane.
We have to remember we have a say in this. That we have every right to hit pause or even stop when it all gets too much and too mad. We may not be able to control the world but we can control our world and we owe it ourselves to pause, to stop. To breathe in the space we’re in. To breathe in the moment. However sweet or sour. However peaceful or chaotic.
So, I’m writing again. You could say I owe it to this blog. It demands to be maintained and requires content to be written. I’m making up for my sloppy previous weeks but will do everything in my power to produce content at least once a week. For this blog. And really, for my sanity.
As you were, world.
From This Suok 